#oops guess you ARE psychic

[megsdoodletag]

Oops second ask related to your au. What do fulgrim and ferrus get up too in their down time? Hehehe.

Im imagining konrad falling from a hole in the ceiling mouth stuffed full of gigantic rats landing right in the middle some celebratory luncheon that malcador has tried to organise.

never apologize for oc/personal au asks this is like me catnip.

going to do these backwards:

this sounds completely plausible (konrad does pop up in places he is absolutely not supposed to be frequently and with great enthusiasm)

except malc isn’t around (yet). however, there is another hooded perpetual with weirdly strong psychic powers wandering the palace. this isn’t great for emp’s mental state but who said any of this was great for emp’s mental state.

now that first question. the short answer is ferrus and fulgrim at least start the au by being firmly On Vacation

ferrus and fulgrim, once they’ve spent some time working things out between themselves generally just kinda. hang around? they’re slowly working on undoing the damage they did to their respective legions, kind of leading the charge for emotional rehab here like ‘ok there’s got to be a way to learn these lessons without Dying Horribly. right.’ they are preoccupied with this for much of the plot, in part because unlike most of the other Primarchs, Fulgrim in particular (and Ferrus by virtue of sticking close by to him) is Not Allowed to interact with Juno. At All.* (*until she’s older). In fact he’s top of The List (which is a thing that does exist). (this could be the subject of a whole nother post however, so i digress)

Fulgrim is actually quite upset by this; he’s put some degree of effort into repairing his relationship with Ferrus, and wishes gman would afford him the same opportunity. gman said i don’t owe u shit, which he’s right about, and though fulgrim understands this that doesn’t mean he’s happy about it. especially when it means he’s effectively out of the running for ‘baby niece’s favoritestest coolest most spoil you rotten uncle’ like forever (don’t feel too bad fulgrim. you’ll never guess who juno’s favorite is. none of you ever stood a chance.)

luckily fulgrim has other children to occupy his time.

N’kari was really important to fulgrim post-fall, as a touchstone and companion. The two were still very close even though they had not seen each other for some time at the start of this au, so when N’kari has an unsanctioned hybrid clutch with a khornate daemon and is panicking about it he goes straight to his bestie who uses his imperial-green-card-by-marriage to shelter him from the two angered deities.

So aside from their legions, Fulgrim and Ferrus’ downtime is largely occupied with assisting N’kari and Skarbrand raise their menace twin girls: Deimos and Phobos! They are somewhere between 7-10 years younger than Juno, and idolize her greatly, though she mostly knows them as these annoying kids who follow her around while she’s exploring the warp in her early twenties. Anyway that’s where all of Fulgrim’s ‘childless lesbian double income auntie at christmas’ energy goes; he spoils those brats rotten.

[dearmura]

🖤ni-ki boyfriend headcannons🖤

(will continue adding onto it tbh)

🧸denies it if asked but is a SUCKER for affection (i.e. cuddles, kisses, etc.)

doesn't display much pda, to the point where some may not even guess that you two are dating. as soon as you two get home, he's back hugging you, burying his face in the crook of your neck inhaling your scent, and begging you for attention

🧸has a thing for his partner being shorter than him ( I don't make the rules )

as a playful kid, this would be his perfect opportunity to tease you and overall just get on your nerves ( thinks you're the cutest when you're sulky). I also see him as very protective (non-toxic, 'wear what you want, I can fight' type) so you being shorter than him will just fuel that agenda

🧸will 100% spoil you

you like a hoodie in his closet? it's yours

sees an article of clothing that reminds him of you while you're out? here's the receipt just in case it doesn't fit (it will, he knows you all too well)

will get sulky if you choose the cheapest food item on the menu

even if it's not financially, he stills spoils you (with attention, affection, etc etc)

you just want a hug? be prepared to stay in that position with him in your arms for a good few hours

basically: what y/n wants, y/n gets

🧸is the type to baby you (either to show his love or tease you (or both))

if you're with riki, be prepared for him to coo at everything you do, no matter what it is. or have him baby talk you when he thinks you're being too cute. is also the type to feed you just to see your reaction

taking 'his baby' to a whole new level

🧸without a doubt has partner privilege

the members can baby him or tease him and he'll get all defensive about it. but when you do it, he gives in and has quite possibly the dumbest smile on his face. allows himself to be coddled like the baby he is, essentially

🧸into neck kisses

don't ask me why, my psychic senses are tingling with this one. he's definitely the type to hug you from behind or have you sat on his lap and just bury his face in the crook of your neck for warmth. also is a sucker for receiving them (will melt). it's a plus if you're ticklish cuz that makes another reason why he should kiss you there 🤷‍♀️

🧸gives you literal heart eyes (even when you're not looking)

when he loves someone, he's the type to show it, intentional and subconsciously. you can be talking and he'll just have the stupidest smile on his face giving you his full, undivided attention. also is very much the type to stare at your lips as you speak. you can be having a disagreement over something miniscule and he'll wait for you to finish speaking so he can just pull you into a kiss and see you all flustered

"you're so adorable when you're mad, princess"

🧸your parents LOVE him more than you oop

if you're from a culture that isn't his, he'll literally try to learn the language or some greetings to leave a good impression on your family. brings fruits, flowers, whatever cultural greeting gift it is: he's got it

is the type to feed into your mom's bragging and beg her to show him albums of your baby pics😒

LOVES sports so your dad will actually adopt him as his son

at the end of the day, your parents will scold you for not being good enough for him 'cause how is a man so perfect???/jj

[true-blue-sonic]

I felt bad about having literally nothing ready for Silver week 2024, so I dragged this from the depths of my very being this evening, haha. Dreams of an Absolution mentions that every night Silver lays awake, and that is what gave me the inspiration for this fic. Hope you enjoyed!🍀

☆☆☆☆☆☆

Day 1: Dreams

A snippy “Sonic, wake up!” isn’t what Sonic likes to hear when getting roused from a comfortable nap.

It’s not the first time this has been said, he thinks. There’s been more of such demands around him, as have been some pushes. Maybe. The speedster has ignored them all, floating through his sweet dreams as he is-

Until his entire body is given a shake, somehow, and that doesn’t make much sense.

With a grumble the speedster opens one eye to glare at his disruptor. It’s a glare returned in kind: Silver’s crossed arms and bristling quills speak of plentiful irritation on the psychic’s side, as does the way Sonic gets dropped onto the ground again. But neither is anything new with Silver, Sonic’s still-half-asleep brain promptly decides, and thus he stretches with an elaborate yawn. This calm field of flowers between swaying grasses and white cotton clouds in the blue sky above do not lend themselves for hastiness and irritations.

“Something the matter?” he nods back at Silver after multiple seconds, in which Silver’s dry annoyance has grown tenfold.

“Yes," gets huffed back. "I’ve been trying to wake you for ages. Tails needs you, but he couldn’t reach you on your Miles Electric. And I went out to search for you because I thought something had happened, only to find you asleep in a field of flowers while refusing to get up?!”

Between that complaint Sonic has long jumped right to his feet, any thoughts about the calmness of flowers, grasses, clouds and skies forgotten.

“Oops,” he decrees, snatching the device in question and sheepishly studying the multiple missed calls on it. Yes, Tails had been talking extensively about a new invention he was going to test one of these days, and apparently the fated moment would have been hours ago. Not nice of him to let his pal hanging like that, Sonic admonishes himself. He’d best go there immediately to make up for it. “My bad. The flowers in this Zone are really nice to sleep in,” he offhandedly mentions to Silver, tucking the Miles Electric away again. “Still, thanks for waking me. Let’s go to Tails’.”

A shake of Silver’s head that Sonic would describe as rather judgemental is his response, the other turning on his heels and stalking away. “Tails already said you’d probably be in dreamland, since you didn’t respond,” gets called out over a grey-furred shoulder, Sonic laughing at that.

“He knows me too well. Yep, I was.”

“It’s the middle of the day.”

“So?”

“Dreaming is for late at night. If you're doing it during the day, you should at least be awake. Daydreaming isn't done while sleeping,” Silver states firmly, shaking out his bristling quills as a softer look forms on his face. He always looks more sunny like that, Sonic thinks every time he sees it. This time there’s even a little smile reserved for him. “But I’d been trying to wake you for a while already,” the psychic adds with a little snort. “It was impossible. You whined at me a couple of times, even.”

A full laugh slips past Sonic’s lips at the tease. “Did not.”

“Did so. Heard it myself.”

“That’s hardly proof,” Sonic winks back at him. “Besides, you can’t blame me for having nice dreams. I was flying through space and past galaxies, that’s far too neat to be woken up from so brusquely. Don’t you think?”

Pensively Silver rubs his chin. “That does sound nice. I guess dreaming of flying is quite special if you can’t fly normally?”

“I know what flying is like,” the speedster responds; he’s turned Super enough times for that to not be a mystery for him anymore. But it does leave him wondering… “You’re making it sound like you never dream the day away, heh. So what do you dream about?” he inquires, kicking into a brisk jog as Silver floats beside him into the air.

Silver’s brow furrows. “Why do you want to know?”

“Just curious. If flying in your dreams doesn’t faze you, then what does? What kinds of marvellous thoughts occupy your dreams?” Sonic smiles back; just something to fill the time between them on the journey back to Tails’ workshop, a few Zones over. And he doesn’t know the answer to his question anyway. He knows it from a lot of his friends: Amy dreams of him, she’s always been quite obvious about that, and Rouge dreams of gemstones, Knuckles of things around Angel Island, the Chaotix of money…

But what about Silver?

The almost staggeringly long silence that follows is rather suspicious, however.

“It’s nothing spectacular,” eventually breaks it, as does a deep sigh. “It’s just… things about the past, or the future.”

That doesn’t sound like sweet dreams, Sonic promptly decides. If they were, Silver would be more forward about it. “Nightmares?” he opens the opportunity for elaboration, though Silver slowly shakes his head at that.

“Not really… I just think a lot before I fall asleep, and then I’m so tired I don’t really dream that much anymore. It's not daydreaming because they're not nice thoughts, but...”

“You can't sleep because of it,” Sonic fills in. He’d add an inquiry if Silver is overthinking, and about what precisely, but he knows well enough that prodding doesn’t always go over well with his hot-headed friend. Yet, leaving the topic unmentioned otherwise doesn’t sit well with him either… “Silver, if you can’t sleep because you’re thinking too much, you can come to one of us,” he adds, giving the other a gentle nudge with his elbow. “We don’t mind, really. We’re here to help each other.”

Silver for his part only shrugs. “You will have to be with me every night, then. It's always the same thing."

“And that’s okay. We want to be, if it’ll make your dreams better.”

“I’ll think about it,” gets hummed back; the final thing said as Sonic’s brisk jog turns into a full run and Silver rushes beside him in silence.

Amidst Tails’ teasing about Sonic being a sleepyhead once the duo has returned to his workshop and extensive playing around with the new contraption Tails had wanted to try Sonic almost forgets what he and Silver have talked about, over the hours that the afternoon lasts still. But when the sun has sunk into the horizon and Sonic has crashed onto Tails’ couch after seeing his brother off to bed, a shuffle at the door makes his ears twitch.

He doesn’t need to open his eyes to know it’s Silver tiptoeing into the living room, with quiet breaths and softer footsteps.

Silver's eyes burn into him, the hairs on Sonic's spine prickling at the sensation. His friend stands frozen... but eventually the footsteps resume, until a weight sinks down at the very edge of the sofa's pillows. That golden stare is on Sonic still, but the speedster doesn't twitch a single quill in response, and eventually, slowly, Silver scoots closer. A lithe weight drops against Sonic's knees, small shuffles and minute movements following until Silver's tucked himself away into a little half-ball...

He’s close enough for Sonic to stretch out a hand and discreetly run his fingers over Silver’s.

The weight against his legs tenses immediately, but Sonic stays quiet. Silver doesn’t want him to talk or ask anything, he knows. But the quiet I’ll be with you is present between them: an assurance from Sonic’s side, and an acceptance from Silver’s.

And that’s how they lay, until Silver’s body has relaxed again and the other has finally, finally drifted off after the better part of an hour, Sonic refusing to let sleep claim him until his friend’s breaths have deepened and his usually-guarded face has softened like it had this afternoon.

“Have sweet dreams,” Sonic whispers into little grey ears, before turning around and sinking into them himself, with Silver’s breaths quiet but even as the speedster’s world becomes black too.

[genericpuff]

Do you think Rachel knows about LO rekindled? Or that she could've secretly been reading your comics? 👀

I mean, I think people think I want her to know about it, I know that's a common criticism made of it that I made Rekindled to like, "get Rachel to notice me", but like... y'all there's a reason I only post it to Tumblr and mirror it on Dillyhub (when I remember to actually upload pages there oop-), I stay off Rachel's turf over on Webtoons and on other major webtoon platforms because I don't feel entitled to Rachel seeing Rekindled and frankly I just don't want that kind of attention lmao That's just bad energy I don't want to invite, I already feel like I'm pushing the limit of what's "okay" with some of the criticisms I have here and Rekindled as a whole. I get enough back-of-the-head punches from her fanbase as it is LMAO

If I wanted Rachel's attention, you'd see me in her IG comment section with the rest of the "haters" asking her why she's spending more time working on memes than on her comic or tagging her in my posts or, at minimum, using the #lore olympus tags which I'm sure you've noticed I also don't do ! and generally ask people not to do when sharing Rekindled :' ) (I've actually gotten her attention in the past that way, back when I still loved the comic and I did that LO tattoo that she retweeted which was neat for about 15 seconds lol)

Don't get me wrong, I still talk plenty of shit, but I try my best to keep it in my own house because I'm not entitled to Rachel's attention or time, she's clearly doing what she wants to do and I'm doing what I wanna do, we're each in our own house, managing our own lawns. Sure, I might be that weird neighbor who's side-eyeing her through the window blinds and talking shit about her very loudly from my kitchen, but it's completely on her - at her own risk - if she chooses to listen in, just like how it's completely on me to read LO at my own risk of taking psychic damage LMAO

If she is reading Rekindled then idk, I hope she enjoys it I guess? But I totally don't blame her if she doesn't like it, the fact that one of her assistants have blocked me despite us never interacting definitely gives me the sense that she does know about it to some degree. And there have been uh... signs...

BUT those are just hoof beats so I'm not gonna go chasing zebra's, what's more likely is that she's literally just minding her own business drawing her comic and trying to get her finale sorted out. Don't mention Rekindled in her comment sections if you can help it, don't be obnoxious with sharing it in the LO-focused spaces, leave well enough alone so I can keep making this for the people who it's made for, that's all I ask :' ) <3

[thatstoomanysausages]

So many goddamn babies‼️ (Tomodachi Life):

(Guys I think I’m a psychic or some kind of gifted creature because what do you mean a new life series has been my birthday (19/10) present two years in a row😍 (1st ep of Secret Life on 20th Oct, and newest life series ep on the 18th

NEVERMIND IT COMES OUT ON THE 19TH‼️‼️‼️ IM WINNING SO HARD RN YEAHHHHHHHHH)

Anyway

Bit of a short one, but…)

- NOT A FUCKINF DRILL

- JIMMY AND JOEL HAVE HAD THEIR CHILD

- ITS A BIY (mother fucker has a hell of a resting bitch face😭😭)

- LEWIS😭😭😭😭😭

- ANKTHWE CALL

- ANOTHER BABY

- WOAHHHH

- TWO IN ONE GO

- FROM PEARL AND REN THIS TIME

- A GURL

- GIRL

- SHES SO PRETTY LIKE HER BIG SISYER😭😭😭😭😭

- BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES GIVE HER SOME BROWN CONTACTS

- MILLIE😭😭😭😭

- SOBBINGGGGGGG

- GADDAMMNNNNN

- That was a rollercoaster🙂

- It’s been a couple weeks and now Millie is grown up😭

- BROTHER SHES GOT A COMICALLY LOW VOICE MAN

- LIKE CLINICALLY

- The slideshows of the kids growing up is so cute

- I was an absent father for the entire time

- Didn’t check in once

- She got the bowl cut as a kid😭 poor thing

- They end it with the fuckinf clip of the kid giggling. I’m so hormonal rn don’t even get me started

- Omg what a surprise🙂 guess who’s fighting😐

- Fucking Grian. Again.

- It’s with Joel

- TWO MONTHS

- Oop. I’ve been gone longer than a few weeks I guess😭😭

- Or I just didn’t visit him last time idk

- K they made up

- Poultry Man and Rendog friendship‼️‼️‼️

- I’ve been in London and shared a hotel room with my friend where I got fuck all sleep so Cleo’s new catchphrase is “cowabunga” when happy and I refuse to change it

- walked in on Grian making goo goo eyes at Scar😭 life imitates art ig

- the dreams these guys have are not verbally describable help I’m flinging a stickman hot guy around like crazy what

- “where have you been for three months” …good question😨

- I gave Hotguy car ears… he loves them

- just gave X a whole ass pineapple and he ate that mf whole🤨

- ETHO IS IN LOVE

- BIGB?????

- FUCK IT UP RAREPAIR

- yessss bitch wear a children’s bear t-shirt to your confession

- “I know more about you than you do, we should go out”

- …

- who’s gonna be surprised when I tell you it didn’t go well

- “I’m sorry” in a really echoed voice😨😭😭 PLEASEEEE

- damn they both went straight to sleep😭😭😭

- real

- wish that was me so bad rn

- I keep forgetting I put Martyn in a dress😭😭big ass ball gown

- never mind he wants to change

- yesssss a bikini

- he loves it😭😭😭😭😭

[tozettastone]

Trinity Blood episode 4:

Oh yeah the solar powered cannon on the moon. Sure. We've all been there.

He put Esther in the ugliest dress known to man for some reason? I don't really understand why. It might be his wife's? Costume change necessary for blowing up the Vatican, I guess, but only for Esther.

When Abel is like "oh no, revenge solves nothing!" and the guy who runs Hungary is like, "Don't be ridiculous. Who would want revenge to solve anything?" We must at least admit that he's onto something. Making stuff better is definitely not the point of this exercise.

Did Abel like, forget he has magic powers here somewhere? He just sits there tied in his chair like: oh dear, what do I do! (Perhaps he is not meant to show his transformation to others, but if so, murdering the three people in this house is still the lesser evil compared to letting them blow up the city... But I suppose he seems to be a moral absolutist despite killing quite a lot of other characters.)

Oop, Dietrich really upped his eyelash game between"dying" and appearing in holographic mode to gloat about, uh, subverting the solar powered cannon on the moon. The Rosen Kreuz Order he claims to represent is presumably of no actual relation to either Rosicrucianism or to the Rosen Kreuz psychic assassin guys from Weiß Kreuz: Glühen.

TRES-KUN IS HERE. ♡

How do anime men manage to hurl entire women (and all their giant clothes) aside with a grip on just one arm. It's like a whole phenomenon.

Oooh, Abel got stabbed. That was never going to end well. Oh, he took his glasses off. HE HAS WINGS. How cute!!

Oh, a little dismemberment. As a treat.

Oh my god are you telling me this whole problem goes away when Abel just goes "Hello, computer, can you please stop? I promise I'm the specialest boy."

Gyula died. Hmm. Okay.

Where's Tres-kun??? Show me Tres-kun. He's really doing so much heavy lifting for me in this series. No more teary girls! Bring me Tres-kun!

If he dies or is secretly not an android I may instantly lose interest.

[akaripng]

Morning Breeze

— [˚ʚ♡ɞ˚] Kazhua x black fem!reader

❥ [genre]➼ fluff

---

The morning light filters in through sheer curtains, painting the room in soft gold. For most people, it’s the promise of a new day, but for you, it means a battle with the alarm clock—and a likely defeat. Despite your best intentions, morning classes have always felt like a conspiracy against your natural sleep pattern.

Today, though, the air shifts gently, filled with the subtle scent of jasmine and green tea. There’s a lightness, a soft disruption—Kazuha.

“You should be up, or you’ll be late again,” his voice floats to you, melodious and calm. Not for the first time, you think how living with Kazuha is like cohabiting with a particularly considerate breeze. He moves through life gracefully, disturbing nothing and no one, yet somehow manages to set everything right.

“Five more minutes,” you mutter, the words muffled by your pillow. You hear a soft chuckle in response.

“That’s what you said twenty minutes ago.”

The bed dips slightly as he sits down beside you, the mattress barely protesting under his slight frame. You feel a gentle hand on your shoulder, shaking you awake. Resigning yourself to the inevitable, you finally sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. Kazuha smiles at you, his eyes crinkling in amusement. His hair is tied back loosely, a few stray strands framing his face beautifully.

“Breakfast is ready. And I’ve laid out your clothes for the day. You should hurry.”

You groan softly but get up, trudging towards the bathroom. By the time you come out, feeling somewhat more human, you find a simple breakfast laid out on the small dining table. Kazuha, in his typical fashion, has prepared a healthy but delicious meal. Avocado on toast with a perfectly poached egg on top, and a cup of green tea steaming beside the plate.

“Thanks, Kazuha,” you say, genuinely grateful. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He gives you a soft smile, then goes back to his book. You eat quickly, mindful of the ticking clock.

As you head back to your room to dress, you find the outfit he picked out for you: a comfy black sweater and high-waisted jeans, paired with your favorite sneakers. It’s simple but exactly what you feel like wearing.

“Kazuha, do you have some sort of psychic powers when it comes to my wardrobe?” you tease as you pull on the sweater. He looks up from his book, a glint of humor in his gaze.

“Just observant,” he replies. “And perhaps a bit lucky in guessing your mood.”

You laugh, shaking your head as you grab your bag and check its contents. Laptop, notebook, a couple of textbooks, pens, and—oops, almost forgot your phone charger. You toss it in, then zip the bag shut.

“Do I look okay?” you ask, turning to him. It’s a half-joke; Kazuha has never led you astray with his choices.

“You look perfect,” he assures you, and you know he means it. Kazuha isn’t one to speak just for the sake of filling silence. His words are always deliberate, meaningful.

Before you leave, he hands you a bento box. “Lunch,” he explains. “I know you have back-to-back classes till the afternoon.”

You smile, touched by his thoughtfulness. “You’re the best roommate ever, you know that?”

“I just don’t want you starving,” he says, but his eyes are warm.

You head out, but not before he calls after you, “Don’t forget your presentation today!”

Right. The presentation. How could you forget?

As you walk to campus, your mind runs through the points you need to cover. You’re nervous, but the breakfast and the knowledge that you’re well-prepared (thanks to countless practice sessions with Kazuha) soothe your nerves.

Your phone buzzes with a text from him just as you reach the building. Breathe. You’ll do great.

And somehow, you believe it. With Kazuha’s support, it feels like even the wind is at your back.

The presentation goes better than you expected. When you finally return to your apartment, you’re greeted by the comforting smell of something sweet baking and the soft strumming of a guitar. Kazuha is in the kitchen, and there’s a gentle melody floating from the living room.

“How did it go?” he asks, looking up as you drop your bag by the door.

“Better than I expected,” you reply, a grin breaking across your face. “I think I actually impressed them.”

“I knew you would.” He turns off the oven and pulls out a tray of chocolate chip cookies, his specialty.

You flop down on the couch, picking up his guitar. “Teach me something,” you request. “Something celebratory.”

He laughs, joining you on the couch, and takes the guitar. His fingers move deftly over the strings, showing you chord by chord. Music fills the space between you, a simple joy that wraps around your heart like a warm hug.

“You’re a good teacher,” you tell him after a few minutes, though your version sounds nothing like his.

“I have an excellent student,” he counters, and you stick out your tongue at him.

The evening fades into night, filled with music and laughter. And as you finally turn in, ready for another battle with the alarm tomorrow, you feel a profound gratitude. Kazuha has turned everyday moments into cherished memories, the mundane into something magical. 

Living with him isn’t just easy—it’s a gift, like finding calm in the chaos of your everyday college life. And as you drift off to sleep, you realize that this is what it means to be home. Not just a place, but a feeling—one that, thanks to him, you carry in your heart.

[vvooper]

next up for ffvii character pokemon teams is our favorite local florist

unlike everyone else so far, I had double battles in mind for aerith's team. as always, though, I designed it mainly for the aesthetic and would never expect to win using this team lol. details under the cut

aerith is a recolor of an aroma lady sprite. it all works so perfectly. the skirt. the flower association. me being able to turn the aroma particles into lifestream

species: audino

ability: healer

item: focus band

moves: last resort, wish, heal bell, protect

this is depressing. oops! there's nothing super specific about the combination of audino and ifalna. audino is a healer pokemon and that just seems suited to aerith.

the item and moves, however, are deliberate choices for ifalna. focus band is not a good item to actually use, but it gives the holder a small chance to survive a hit (with 1 hp) that would otherwise defeat them. ifalna managed to survive long enough to get aerith down to the slums to safety even though she was on the brink of death. wish is a delayed healing move that will heal the active pokemon even if the one that used wish has fainted. the reason for last resort should hopefully be obvious.

species: tinkaton

ability: mold breaker

item: adrenaline orb

moves: fake out, gigaton hammer, play rough, protect

you know I had to.

while aerith has nothing to do with mold breaker's actual in-game effect, I thought this was fitting from the name alone. she generally is not associated with physical might.

the adrenaline orb doesn't mean a whole lot. I guess chairith happened during a stressful situation but that's really it.

fake out because of how aerith fooled scotch with her elaborate outfit, and then when he finally recognized her she kicked him in the nads and he couldn't move LMAO. gigaton hammer is, of course, the chair.

species: lilligant

ability: leaf guard

item: rose incense

moves: giga drain, pollen puff, solar beam, sunny day

flower pokemon #1! and a lily at that. named after aerith's ultimate weapon.

leaf guard obviously goes along with the name princess guard. it works well with sunny day. rose incense just strengthens grass type moves but it was nice and thematic.

giga drain is vaguely like aerith's soul drain ability. pollen puff is a fun one, because it deals damage to enemies and heals allies, just like how aerith is incredible with both white and black magic

species: blissey

ability: healer

item: mystic water

moves: psychic, chilling water, life dew, healing wish

great gospel is aerith's ultimate limit break, and it's absolutely bonkers. full heal, all status cured, temporary invincibility... it's also how she cures geostigma in advent children iirc. blissey because aerith is offering us a nice egg in this trying time. also blissey has some angel aesthetic going for it, and great gospel's animation includes angels.

the reason for the healer ability should be obvious. mystic water because great gospel fall as rain onto the team.

chilling water and life dew for the same reason as the mystic water, with the bonus that life dew is a healing move. healing wish is... well you're going to hate me for this, but it's a self sacrificing move that fully heals the next pokemon.

species: florges (yellow)

ability: flower veil

item: weakness policy

moves: moonblast, stored power, calm mind, synthesis

ok so. I don't think the planet is ever referred to as gaia in any of the games. but it would be weird to name a pokemon "planet," so gaia it is. I chose specifically yellow florges for aerith's flowers.

flower veil is obviously because of flowers.

weakness policy is a fun one. the planet starts throwing hands (aka weapons) when it's in danger.

moonblast and stored power felt appropriate for holy and when the lifestream itself stops meteor. calm mind because it seems like aerith needs to pray to really commune with the planet. synthesis because the lifestream is the source of life

species: xerneas

ability: fairy aura

item: power herb

moves: moonblast, focus blast, light screen, geomancy

xerneas is able to create life. it's not EXACTLY what holy does, but I felt like it was close enough among legendary pokemon.

moonblast, focus blast, and light screen are all chosen to represent holy as it looks at the end of the game. that's really it tbh.

next up should be nanaki! previous ones here

[ceilingfan5]

Lab UA and Supernatural elements AU

“I don’t want to accuse you of anything,” Taako starts, as the prelude to absolutely making a fucking accusation. “But I’ve been wondering about you.” 

“What about me?” Kravitz is short with him. He’s been snappity short with him every fucking day since the incident. Taako has been so on edge and working in the lab with him has been…difficult. There’s no good way to come out and ask if someone is a just a fucking vampire now. 

Especially not because Taako fucking knows he’s a vampire now, because he can smell it on him. Because Taako isn’t a human either. 

But you can’t just be like. Straight up are you a vampire? Don’t lie, cause my werewolf nose knows. 

Maybe he should have come into this armed a little better. 

“Uh,” Taako says. “About how you’re doing.”

“Fine,” Kravitz says. “Can we do unethical science now?” 

“Seriously? You’re fine??” 

“Fine enough to do work,” Kravitz says cooly. “Besides, how does it involve you?”

“I mean you’re my fucking lab partner, asshole, and I care about whether or not you’ve been exsanguinated!” 

Kravitz squints at him. Taako grits his teeth. 

“Look,” Taako says, beginning to count on his fingers. “I haven’t seen you bring one of those fucking Lean Cuisines since last Tuesday.” 

Kravitz winces. 

“And you turned the heat up so high in the lab you ruined my psychic mold, and you’ve worn a turtleneck every day for the last week, and-”

“Taako-”

“And you’ve been a real bitch to me! Like it’s my fucking fault!”

Kravitz’s face falls. 

“Taako, I- I don’t think it was. I- I guess I got wrapped up in my own head trying to…fix it…before anyone noticed, and…I’m sorry, I never wanted to make you feel responsible.” 

Taako’s on a roll now, though, oops! 

“Well, maybe you should! Cause I should have fucking stopped it! There shouldn’t have been a fucking vampire in my territory, and you got fucking bit, and now you’re mad at me, and my psychic mold is ruined, and-”

Kravitz blinks. 

“Your territory, Taako?” 

“Uh.” 

Kravitz squints at him. Taako takes two full steps backward, like maybe Krav’s baby vampire senses might still be garbled enough to not smell a werewolf right in front of him. 

The eye contact is so physically painful that Taako’s afraid his balls are going to fall right off and roll under the centrifuge. 

“Taako,” Kravitz says, like this is occurring to him for the first time. “Why do you care so much?” 

“Um,” Taako’s between a rock and a hard place, and both of them are radioactive. “I’m mad about the mold?” 

“No.” 

“No? You can’t tell me I’m not mad! It’s- who the fuck do you think you are-” Taako steps back again as Kravitz steps closer, and closer, and suddenly Taako’s back is to the locked door to the specimen chambers. Kravitz is so fucking close. And he smells weird, fresh vampire and all, but it’s hardly…bad. Taako’s just…not happy about it, is all. 

“Why were you gone on Tuesday?” Kravitz keeps forgetting to blink. Has he admitted it yet? Taako’s brain is eating this whole awful conversation. 

“Uh,” Taako says. “Fishing.” 

“You’re out of personal time. You took your adoptive nephew to see the wrestling.”

“Fuck me,” Taako sighs. “Why the fuck do you care about my personal time?” 

Kravitz finally blinks, and looks away, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“No reason.”

“Hey,” Taako smells an out. It’s a dangerous one. But, you know, you take what you can get. “Do you fucking like me?”

“What??” Kravitz can’t go greyer in the face now, but he looks like he ought to be. “I- You’re- we’re coworkers! I can’t be-” 

“You fucking like me!” 

“Well-! It takes one to know one, doesn’t it??” 

“What the fuck are you accusing me of?” 

“You KNOW,” Kravitz hollers, looking totally unbalanced. “I’ve really lost track!”

Taako looks at him. Kravitz looks right back, looking downright pitiful, and Taako just has to laugh. Kravitz chuckles softly. 

“You know, in our line of work,” he says, shaking his head. “I should have gotten the vampire insurance.” 

“Yeah,” Taako says solemnly. “Dunno if it would’ve done you any good, though. I still can’t prove to Farm Bureau that I’m a werewolf.” 

Kravitz’s eyes go wide. Taako may as well go in with the baseball bat, while everything’s all fucked anyway. 

“Do you think we can still kiss?”

Kravitz opens his mouth, and shuts his mouth, and opens it again. 

“You know,” he repeats, thoughtful, dazed. “I’d still like to try?”

[ramosdefloress]

shoutout to this fanart that made me wonder

Which species of dragons would our beloved huevos be?

(I'm going to use pokémon as base. Do not question. Also dragon and flying type are implicit on that oneKAKAK)

Alright, so!

RICHINHAS! already said in a stream that he wanted to hatch as a water dragon, and I think that's SO in character for him, while is SO ironic since he hates bath

PRINCESS SUNNY! I think it's kinda obvious but Sunny would fit a fire dragon sm. I mean, look at my girl. She would be flying around throwing fire balls at everything and burning everything down (do not blame her she's just a girl!!)

Also, nice time to say: I always thought abt Empy and Sunny as a sun and moon duo. Also, I think it just suits her and her personality a lot. So, yeah, Ice Empanada!!

Little Lullah! Well, she canonically attracts animals like the disney princess she is (source: QSMP wiki) and I always thought her as a nature dragon! But psychic as well!! Imagine her playing her flute or her maracas as the animals just follow her with curiosity.

Dapper!! Ghost and dark. Besides the obvious reasons, I think it's really funny he just scarying people around w/ the power of the grim reaper behold him

Our baby boy Ramón! Oh, well... I could say steel. But I also could say fighting. And electric. So... the three I guess?

Pomme: NOTRE LÉGENDE!! well, I always thought about Pomme as Ice type, like Empanada. But on the other side, Fighting and Fairy would be wholesome! (Also, because of Bad being her parent as well, she would be Ghost type too. But who knows!)

CHAY! OUR LITTLE WARRIOR!* (*Hey guys!! A nice soul told me that Chayanne said that he wanted to be a water dragon. (Also I JUST noticed the relation with the little duck float as well. Oops.)

LEO! LEONARDA! LEO BONITA!! I always saw Leo as a fire dragon, and now, I would add psychic as well!

PEPITUX!! I confess I thought a lot about the little one, But then, there you go! Water Pepito type! I guess Pepito clothing being canonically a sailor uniform helped me a bitKAKAKAKK

 춘식: I honestly don't know that much about that young man, but he gives me water and psychic vibes!

For now, that's it! Any doubt, ask away!!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for just wanting to cure my prosopagnosia?

So, I (50M) have prosopagnosia. If you don't know what this is, it's a condition where you cannot recognise peoples' faces. It's always been quite a source of pain for me, and I've always wanted to be able to people's faces.

So I'm also a CEO, of a big pharmaceutical company. 9 years ago I used my power as a CEO to host an experiment using sibling pairs of psychic children, as I thought that perhaps it would be able to help me see faces. My hypothesis was that if we could induce information transmission under stressful circumstances, then maybe this mechanic could be used so that face information could be transmitted to me psychically, to make up for it.

So the children had to be in dangerous circumstances to access their psychic powers, so we hosted an escape room game where they all had the chance of blowing up if they weren't careful and also hosted it on a sinking ship so that they had a time limit. Additionally, we made sure to tell the children who were transmitting information to their siblings, while they weren't in much danger, that if they ruined it their siblings were going to drown. I guess technically we didn't actually have to put them in mortal peril and just let them believe it (especially considering they're children) but it just seemed easier at the time to genuinely kill them I guess.

Anyways, apparently, I didn't plan well enough, I don't see how this is my fault, but we accidentally had two pairs of siblings not separated, but instead in the same experiment location. So, this asshole cop (36M, at least at the time) came and tried to save the children and ruin my experiment, so to make sure it still went smoothly, I dragged one of the children (12F) off and threw her back into the incinerator. Now obviously, this didn't go well because her brother (15M) was in the same location and unable to transmit the answer to her, and oops, she did seem to burn to death in front of her traumatized brother!

Now, 9 years later I've been put into one of these games myself, and I have a feeling someone who's upset with me about the previous game is responsible. I can't tell because I don't recognize their faces, but this seems like a huge asshole move tbh, I don't see what subjecting me to the same game is hoping to achieve!

I really think I'm justified, but maybe I'm misjudging, AITA for this?

[lariyats]

something something my haikaveh pokemon au

the NOTES. for people who don’t have much knowledge of pokemon.

if you have NOT been linked here from the fic, the fic is here.

KAVEH’S TEAM

Pidgeot, Reuniclus, Mehrak (Porygon2)

ALHAITHAM’S TEAM

Braviary (Hisuian), Metagross, Pichu

they each have a big bird, a stage 2 psychic type and a baby (mehrak is a baby) bc they’re cringe and matchy matchy mirrors of each other. etc.

i forgor the brush i was using so that’s why they look different oops sawry

FAQ (but not really)

Q: why does alhaitham have a metagross?

A: ‘i’m just a feeble scholar’ headass. i wrote that not many ppl know he has one but after the coup this changes and everyone finds out. they both hate it

Q: mehrak porygon and not rotom?

A: yes. bc someone has to be! ancient artificial pkmn thats been a little bugged out from age etc. i think its funnier like this too (running joke)

+relationship chart if anyone's curious. ignore that its in the notes app i wrote it while i was on vacation.

protip: birds were picked on vibes (pokedex entries), psychic types on vibes but also how they can help with their day jobs (actually only kaveh) and their babies on both vibes and helpfulness (you can probably guess who). check the dex entries for more information. what can i say.

reshiram is the dragon of truth + zekrom is the dragon of ideals - why theyre paired with haitham and kaveh respectively should be self explanatory. i think.

not mentioned, but the other competitors teams.

in this au, the structure of the competition rounds is the same as canon, but they can also pick one pokemon partner to help them each round. battling is prohibited except for in the final round, where some is allowed for purposes of gaining the diadem. kaveh picked mehrak in all three rounds.

- faruzan and golurk

- layla and abra

- tighnari and breloom

& of course, wanderer and silvally, cyno and lucario, and nahida and shaymin! nahida also takes care of a 1% zygarde (a little squishy guy)

ENDING SCENE COMMENTARY

in my idea of hvkh. hthm is kind of a ‘and then i’ll keep these feelings inside until i die’ kind of guy but also not really. he knows he’s in love but he doesn’t want to say it out loud bc he also knows that saying it when kaveh isn’t ready for it could end badly.

so what he does is show it in other ways. he bickers like usual. he goes to pick him up from the tavern and pay his bill and take him home, take off his makeup and his accessories etc. making little accomodations for him that he wouldn’t for anyone else. that’s the kind of love that he shows.

kvh on the other hand is the …. hmmge…. dunno how to word it properly but the ‘if i let myself be loved then i let myself be known.’ kind of guy. or something. it’s not that he doesn’t return hthm’s feelings! or even not know what it means! but he doesn’t want to accept them for what they actually are bc… if he does, then it also means confronting the fact that someone actually Cares about him [jawdrop.jpg]. and that person is like. the most annoying person you have ever known but also like the only person who perfectly matches you beat for beat and makes you Feel. feelings. horrendous.

so bc of that i did Not actually choose to put in words the big L word . Yes they do Confess, but in the theme of things, it’s more Actions speak louder than Words. it is also more wow. both me and alhaitham would probably break out in hives if he straight up said it like that. i would much rather let the two of them be the ‘act’ and the ‘react’.

i also think that kaveh is someone who loves romantic gestures and even though what happened was romantic (kind of) lots of things happened that made it also. really weird. so while its p much acceptance of feelings he also wants to have a chance to properly convey things and have a heartfelt romantic dramatic speech etc. after he's prepared. that's the proper answer part.

it’s a tale of two idiots who both have acts of service as their giving love language but the extent to which their receiving (acts of service) differs. bc kaveh probably has receiving (words of affirmation) and haithams is. idk. receiving (knowing that the person he loves knows he is loved and that he is taking care of himself and knows his own worth). bc as cute as physical affection hc is it do think that it’s not really something he absolutely needs or wants. whoa i am rambling ok ill stop myself there for now. whew.

[theminecraftbox]

If you feel like sharing (no pressure), what’s the context of the “dream’s little rebellions” coparent snippet? Some of the dialogue got me very curious- who is sam’s “boyfriend” that dream referred to? Is this happening after dream told sam no?

(coparent au)

Oooooh have I really not talked about the flower boy era on here yet?? I guess I haven't, my bad!

Sooooo. There is an incident during the basement era, where Briar has gone to bed and Sam and Dream end up, ummmm, having some wine with dinner and, oops, talking. It's not a date or anything don't be dumb!!! It's just a good night, they're both in a good mood, and Dream loosens up and his face flushes and Sam offers him a second portion of dinner (rare!), and another glass. And then another, and he keeps the bottle out. They're not talking about anything in particular, at first.

This is the night that Dream and Sam fall asleep in the same bed without cuffs, and it has FALLOUT. Flower Boy is part of that.

Later into the night Dream asks to come upstairs, and Sam panics. It's all too domestic, too romantic. He tells Dream that Dream is too drunk and can't consent. Which makes Dream absolutely furious, because, well, *gestures at basement era* so this is Sam's line???

The conversation that follows is long and gets absolutely bonkers, here are some Flower Boy highlights.

(oh yeah and Sam also asks Dream about Briar's other parent during this conversation. Since, yknow, they're talking about Other Women. Dream won't budge. And then they get into talking about feelings and oh boy it gets fucking messsssyyyyy. Dream asks about what Sam thought, when he found the two of them, why he decided to go through with the kidnapping. Dream admits he was scared of Sam the whole time he was running. oh god the psychic damage. Dream says "I knew you would come for me" and Sam's writing it in his diary and circling it with hearts)

So after all of these emotional concessions Sam decides he's got something to prove. He goes and asks out Flower Boy (who as a plot device didn't get a name for a long time, I think we landed on Eric eventually).

This makes Dream MAD AS FUCKING HELL. Sam's trying to make him jealous and the worst thing is that... it's working. Or something; he's not sure if he feels jealous so much as he feels used, and lonely, and worthless.

Contrary to his word, Sam doesn't try to hide Dream away in the cellar. Sam keeps bringing Flower Boy around, having Dream cook for them (he's told him Dream's the live-in help/nanny). Flower Boy brings games and plants and things for Briar, so Briar likes him too. Dream focuses on gritting his teeth and not trying to kill him with a butter knife, even while he's perfectly kind and polite to Dream.

The brief fling doesn't last terribly long. Sam and Flower Boy both lose interest. But Dream's anger and Sam's ego boost stay... hence the rebellions.

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

Hey :) does anyone have a lpmg spn series fic to binge that you recommend?

Could be a Sam or Dean or Cas fic I don't mind

That could happen in the world of spn but it isn't a show rewrite

Thanks <3

I'm gonna make some assumptions, and if I'm wrong, you're gonna have to send me another ask to clarify. First, I'm guessing that lmpg is a typo and is meant to be long. Second, I'm assuming you're looking for reader inserts and not ship fics. Third, I'm going to assume that you are okay with poly fics, because I hate to choose just one member of TFW, and poly fics are all the bee's erogenous zones, not just the bee's knees. Finally, I'm pretty sure you want canon-compliant fics, not AUs. If any of these assumptions are wrong, send me another ask and I'll change my answers!

Looking for canon-compliant (or at least, world-compliant) epic tales with awesome reader-insert characters who fall in bed (and sometimes in love) with various members of Team Free Will, sometimes all of them. I'll start with my own masterlist because it's what I'm most familiar with. 🤣

Cracker Jack Prize - 87k words - My first ever piece of fiction, and it shows. Not a reader insert, but it reads like one (2nd person POV). Myka gets with everyone in this one! It's very Mary Sue, and it's formatted poorly on AO3, but it has my favorite Cas smut scene I ever wrote.

Oasis - 46k words - My answer to the question, "After Cas freaks out the hooker at the den of iniquity, how would YOU get him to relax and seduce him?" No Sam lovin' in this one, but some super hot Dean, and a threesome scene! (A little dubcon in one scene.)

A Woman of Letters (Getting a Feel For Sam Winchester) - 70k words - After Oasis, I needed some Sam lovin'. And some angst, apparently.

Third Wheel - 64k words - This comes closest to a series rewrite, as it closely follows season 6. I challenged myself to write a fuck ton of fucking. Soulless Sam helped. And then Dean got involved.

Those are all of my epic TFW fics. If you also like John, I've got two more epic tales involving him. Except for one AU fic (Priest!Cas with some Sam on the side - another long fic)), everything else in my masterlist is also canon-compliant, just shorter. 🤣

I tried to search my blog for fics, but discovered that I don't have a tag for series, sadly. So, I went through my AO3 bookmarks. Here are a couple fics from other folks:

Toil and Trouble by @littlegreenplasticsoldier - 70k words - Dean x Reader - It's Cat!Dean and a psychic connection. Need I say more? So much angst and pining and silly Dean as a cat. He knows how to weaponize his ability to lick his own butt. 🤣 (Honestly, just binge-read all of Ally's stuff. It's SO WORTH IT!!)

From The Wreckage by @sp-oops - 22k words - Destiel x reader - I love all of Sp-oops's Destiel x Reader stuff, and I wish there was more of it!!! Set in episode 12x01, with flashbacks to 11x23 and Dean going off to kill Amara.

Collared by @spnexploration - 40 chapters, so it's a long one - Dean x reader - A witch turned you into a mindless slave. Dean and Sam save you.

Tattered by @stusbunker - 11 chapters - Dean x reader, Sam x reader, A/B/O - So much angst!!! Adding the A/B/O world to canon stuff just makes it all so angsty!! And smutty!

I just went looking for Not Unless Sam Says by @spectaculacularsammy and discovered that both the writer and the fic are completely gone and I'm crushed. I'm off to go cry about how the world is a much worse place because of this loss. 😭😭😭

If I think of any others, I'll come back and add them, In the meantime, maybe someone else can add some? I know I'm forgetting some that are here on Tumblr because my brain is Swiss cheese.

[riririnnnn]

Most of all, hello again! And before you ask, no, I'm not a telepath or a psychic. I mean, I was a psychic for a mini time to steal— I mean, make money fairly. :D

Back here again… I'm glad you've found some new hobbies and are doing other things! Of course, I'm also very sad when I see that you're stopping writing because maybe you feel like it's becoming more of an obligation than something cool that you're doing to share. I'm really feeling like a balance, I'm happy and sad because you really are one of the few creators of quotev that I like and you were also the one who gave me the starting point to start writing my Blue lock povs. <3

So what I'm really going to say here now as a young Brazilian who accidentally took a six bloody month psychology course is; Don't try too hard or force yourself to do something you no longer want to do. If that second one is the case then I just wait for a post like "It's over, I'm done writing, Bye and Lol."

And one more thing, I'm like air. You may not see me or smell me, but sometimes you hear me and feel me— :D

Ily, bye-bye darling.

—TJ. 🇧🇷

PS; Don't worry, I probably won't actually kill someone and I'm sorry about the accidental double ask.

Ah, well, I consider myself as a lawful good, but I don't mind the idea of, y'know, stealing money from the rich. Like, I don't condone the idea of stealing—that's a bad manner, but stealing from the rich? I understand that.

And you are scaring me now..

Like, be honest, do you have any special supernatural power? Do you have a camera in my room or something? 'cause how do you know that yes, writing indeed started to feel like an obligation to me—I lost the sparks—especially during those times when I, out of the blue, started to lose motivation to write.

You see, personally, I think the most important thing for a Fanfic writer is that you should have fun while writing! I mean, it's not a job, so you should enjoy it! And I've been living by this motto ever since I, myself, became a Fanfic writer.

But lately, I wasn't able to feel the same, y'know.

Whenever I do random things, I think of my books, the potential future plot and stuffs, and I always have this stupidly big smile on my face during the whole time—you might even think I'm mentally ill or something because I'm feeling that much of happiness!

However, you can say a couple of weeks to be completely honest, I wasn't able to feel the same joy, y'know, Instead of smiling and giggling like an idiot, I ended up frowning whenever I opened the books. My face used to be like: >:( It started to feel more like a chore of something, and I couldn't confess it truthfully until now because, well, haha, I thought it was very rude of me to say so.

I kinda don't have any idea why I started to feel this way, but I'm sure that the book Cliché had a pretty big hand behind this—I think I did vent about it to you some months ago (?).

I mean, it's very arrogant of me to say this, but I took (maybe take?) pride in the fact that I never suffer(ed) from writer's block and that my imagination power is very strong—ideas always keep flooding in my mind and story automatically formed on its own as I typed. However, I never realised that having so many ideas can also mean that they may not connect very well to eachother, y'know.

And that's exactly what happened while I was writing the book Cliché. I had abundance of ideas for the story to proceed, but they just didn't link up which frustrated me and, I guess, also damaged some of my ego.

I won't say I'm done with writing though :) I still like it a lot, and I'm, slowly, getting back into the track—it may take a while, I think.

Oops, I ranted a lot :p

Thank you so much! You are very, very sweet <3

Also, "You may not see me or smell me, but sometimes you hear me and feel me," hm? That's scary, hehe :p

And LMFAOOOO! Glad to know you won't actually kill someone, lol.

Take care <3333333333

Sending you lots of love!!

[lawyeronabike]

Misadventures in American Public Transit #4: The Airplane

If the Wright Brothers could see the state of commercial aviation today, they never would have invented the airplane. Prove me wrong.

Obviously I'm exaggerating. But there are serious flaws with American air travel that high speed rail all the more essential.

The TSA: at best, they slow you down, make you take off your shoes, unpack and repack your laptop, and generally be a nuisance. Then there's the times that they want to pat you down. I cringed at the sight of their screens, after I passed through the full body scanner, which showed an anomaly in my genital area. They patted me down last time I flew. It's billions of dollars totally wasted.

2. Planing and Deplaning: I never understood why a perk of spending more money for your ticket was to board the plane earlier. I don't give a shit if I'm the first person on or the last person. The plane will not take off until everybody has boarded. Boarding first means you have more time to sit in those cramped airplane seats. It is notoriously slow to file in and out of an airplane, and needlessly so.

People like CPG Grey love to overcomplicate things, theorizing optimal mathematical algorithms for boarding when true solutions are right in front of our faces.

So how can boarding actually be made better? Goddamn it, do it like trains. No mathematical formula for boarding would beat these two suggestions. 1) Stop assigning seats ahead of time. You claim your seat by sitting in it. 2) Have multiple doors for boarding. Shoving hundreds of people in through a single door has always been madness. Trains can board and deboard masses in seconds. It's long past time for planes to do the same.

3. The Idiocy of airline pricing: I'm not even talking about all the extra fees associated with flying. Everybody knows how annoying that is. What I'm talking about is a pricing model that would make an economist's head spin. What I'm talking about is this.

See this? This is a google price graph (Generated Feb. 21) of the cost to fly from New York to San Francisco on June 1. Why does the price dip? You have to be a psychic to play the airline pricing game. Price go up, price go down. Buy the Dip! Oops. you missed it, you have to pay more now. I don't like this. I want straightforward incentives to help me know when to buy. Amtrak for contrast, prices tickets lower, and raises prices as tickets are sold. I can buy a train ticket not worrying that I'm wasting money by not waiting for the dip.

So intrepid consumers try to save cash. They notice something weird. Sometimes, it is literally cheaper to buy a ticket to a far away place with a layover in a closer place than just to buy a ticket to the nearer place directly. It confounds common sense and is not how the world is supposed to work, according to economics. Don't believe me? Here's an example. (Prices checked on Feb. 21st)

On July 1st Delta flight 528 from Los Angeles to Atlanta costs $249. Or does it?

If you want to fly from Los Angeles to Fort Meyers FL, with a layover in Atlanta, it costs $144. Same airline. Same day. And same fucking flight. The first leg of the journey is provided by our old friend Delta flight 528.

So enterprising travelers start skiplagging. (cough cough search https://skiplagged.com/) They simply exit the airport at the layover airport, getting the correct price for a flight which was clearly mispriced. Surely, airline CEO's see this, and immediately fix their obtuse, opaque, and incredibly frustrating pricing system. Surely, airlines don't want to have a system in place which rewards people for buying seats they don't need, depriving travelers who do need them. Right?

But if you guessed they were going to be giant dicks about it, bonus points for you. Because we live in the worst timeline, they have decided to contractually enforce this insanity. It is a violation of the terms of service for most major airlines to skiplag. Take a look at this gem from Delta.

"Delta prohibits ticketing practices intended to circumvent the published fare that Delta intends to offer for your true itinerary. These practices include:.. 3) Hidden City/Point Beyond Ticketing - The purchase or usage of a fare from a point before the passenger's actual origin or to a point beyond the passenger's actual destination."

Imagine going to law school, thinking you're going to make the world a better place, only to sell out to commercial airlines and have to write shit like this to make the world a worse place.

(I hope the lawyers got paid a lot of money). I'm calling on congress to enact legislation to prohibit airlines from punishing customers for skiplagging.

We would not accept these shenanigans anywhere else. Can you imagine if at the grocery store, buying 10 oranges was cheaper than buying 5, but buying 11 was more expensive again? Can you imagine if to get into the store, you were required to wait in line while security guards with a better retirement plan than you made you take off your shoes, and funneled you in, one by one, through a single entrance, and assigned you a part of the store rather than let you pick where you started shopping? Nobody would accept this. Air travel can and be should be better. Much Better.

In Conclusion:

Plane bad, train good